


❀ Razzberry Zinger ❀

by DandelionWhine



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Digital Art, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Gem touching, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possesive Steven, Rating May Change, Self-cest, Stevencest - Freeform, identity crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DandelionWhine/pseuds/DandelionWhine
Summary: It was about discovery. That’s how it started, anyway.Steven discovered new things about his Gem everyday, each one more surprising and fascinating than the last. He discovered the way it had grown and changed since they’d come face to face on that fateful day, meeting the literal embodiment of his powers for the first time. Their first touch was like a burst of color, warmth and happiness, a kind of love he never knew he was capable of but had been inside him his entire life.Almost four years later, Razz didn't have to share a name, and Steven didn't have to be alone anymore.❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀Or, Steven and his Gem being cute and navigating their relationship together as separate beings. If you don't like Stevencest, this fic isn't for you. If you do like Stevencest, come on and join the party!
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe (Past), Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe, Steven Universe/Razz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	1. Peaceful Sleeping

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place about two years after the end of Future. I decided to have Steven move back to Beach City after a little time on the road because it bothers me that a severely traumatized sixteen year old left his family to go off on his own after a few months of therapy.
> 
> As I said in the description and the tags, this story features Stevencest. Also, compared to my other fic, this story is SO out of left field. You're in for some tooth-rotting fluff with this one, my friends. Maybe a little bit of angst, too. As a treat.
> 
> Happy reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! I've added an adorable piece of art by my great friend [Laddinger](https://twitter.com/LaddingerVAs)! I added a link to her twitter, go check her out!

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It was about discovery. That’s how it started, anyway.

Steven discovered new things about his Gem everyday, each one more surprising and fascinating than the last. He discovered the way it had grown and changed since they’d come face to face on that fateful day, meeting the literal embodiment of his powers for the first time.

There was more than one reason, back then, why they couldn’t have been separated for more than a few minutes. Steven had been beyond weak, sickly and in pain, terrified for his life as it rapidly drained out of him. Their first touch was like a burst of color, warmth and happiness, a kind of love he never knew he was capable of but had been inside him his entire life.

At age sixteen, however, that love had soured. He was disgusted with his powers, feared them. Steven had despised the gem in his belly that made him who he was but suddenly made him feel like someone entirely other, someone _dangerous_.

And dangerous he was, if his monstrous meltdown and every terrible thing he did leading up to it was any indication. Recovery had been difficult, and it sure hadn’t been linear. Unconditional love and support from his family and friends couldn’t heal the gaping wound of self-hatred Steven had allowed to fester for who knows how long. Therapy had helped, much to Steven’s surprise, but time was truly what it took for the hybrid to start taking the baby steps of recovery on his own two feet.

When the good days were beginning to overshadow the bad days, Steven started getting antsy, cooped up in his house with nothing to do and nowhere to go. After a while of consideration, his therapist and Connie finally agreed to help him plan his cross-country road trip. He had been ecstatic about the prospect of leaving Beach City and seeing new sights, meeting new people. Saying goodbye had been bittersweet but getting on the open road and feeling that freedom more than made up for it. Exploring the world on his own had been amazing.

That is, until the sudden reemergence of his pink-fits. Every nightmare, awkward social faux-pas or occasional panic attack was being exacerbated by his powers in the worst ways. On top of that, being without a familiar presence at the ready, someone who knew him well and knew how to talk him down before things got destructive, resulted in hefty motel bills and mortifying public ordeals. Missed therapy appointments and neglected prescription refills certainly didn’t make things any better.

It took an intervention from Connie, during one of her college tours, to convince him that it was time to go back home.

Things had been bad, and didn’t get much better once he returned to Beach City. The Crystal Gems had been at a loss as their pseudo-son just shut himself away in his room, only coming down for meals and showers. To make things worse, Connie and Steven’s relationship started to suffer as well. She became increasingly busy with final exams and college prep as the months went by and their distance only grew when she admitted to being too stressed for dating. She assured him that she still loved him and would still be there for him when he needed her, but it had all felt like empty assurances.

Their breakup, obviously, sent Steven into a tailspin. It took a long time for him to heal. His family did their best to be patient and understanding. It was around Steven’s 18th birthday, the summer weather and the persistence of his family trying to get him back on his meds and back into therapy, that things started to clear up in Steven’s mind. Connie, unsurprisingly, made an appearance at his party. After several awkward glances and a stiff greeting, the two of them ended up having a long conversation, resulting in plenty of tears and plenty of hugs. The months ticked by slowly after that. They eventually ended up on good terms and would call and text every so often to check in, whenever Connie could spare a moment.

For Steven, of course, there were good days and bad days. He understood from his time in therapy that recovering from trauma was an uphill battle, and the healing process could sometimes feel like one step forward and two steps back. He tried to occupy his time by getting back into gardening, or even teaching the occasional music class at Little Homeschool. His gem would still act up from time to time but he was trying his best to cope and learn to control his powers in tandem with his emotions. There were days Steven felt happy with who he was, gem-human hybrid in all, and there were days when all he wanted was grab the gem buried in his belly, pull it out and throw it in the ocean.

One late night, after an especially vivid nightmare filled with ghastly retellings of things he's done and things that have been done to him, everything changed. He woke up glowing electric pink, adrenaline pumping and his heart beating so fast he thought it might explode. One minute, he was alone and shaking, fear, pain and frustration making his eyes squeeze shut and his muscles twitch with the urge to thrash and scream. The next minute he was wrapped in warm arms and the powers that had been boiling his blood and frying his brain were suddenly sucked out of him, making him sag against the chest he was held against in utter exhaustion.

It took him far too long to realize what had happened, but it clicked when he noticed that the pink illumination bouncing off his bedroom walls wasn’t coming from him anymore. Instead, it was from the glowing clone of himself gently rubbing his back, silent and patient.

“I am here.” His Gem whispered, almost too quiet to catch but the voice rang like a bell in Steven’s mind.

If Steven had had a semblance of his strength, and with that his wits, he would have been much more alarmed than he was in that moment. That his Gem had somehow separated from him and was now comforting him after a nightmare was as preposterous as it was terrifying. But the warmth of his Gem’s embrace and the fatigue weighing him down like an anchor made it impossible to resist falling back into a peaceful, deep sleep.

When Steven woke up that next morning, he felt strange to say the least. Shifting, his body felt heavier than usual, almost like he was underwater. He wasn’t in any pain and he didn’t feel sick, but there was a lingering weakness in his bones and a lightness in his head.

All at once, he snapped his eyes open, and a glittering pair of pink ones with diamond-shaped pupils were staring right back at him. His gem was just laying there, head resting against the pillow, mirroring him so perfectly Steven was almost convinced it _was_ a mirror.

Slowly and cautiously, he lifted his arm and reached out his hand in front of him. When Steven’s fingers made the barest contact with the others cheek, he immediately yanked them back with a yelp.

The Gem's eyes widened in alarm.

“You!” Steven exclaimed, gathering up the covers and lifting up on an elbow clumsily.

His gem mirrored him again, sitting up much more fluidly.

“What-why-what are you still doing _—”_ Steven's hand trailed down his own belly, squeezing at the flat stretch of skin where his gem should be with a surge of instinctual panic. “Why are you _out?”_

“We were having a panic attack after that nightmare.” His Gem answered evenly, eyes soft. “Our heart rate and blood pressure were dangerously high. The quickest fix was to compartmentalize.”

Steven balked. “Compartmentalize?”

“Split. Separate. Unfuse.”

“No, I get it,” The human spluttered, “But, uh, since _when_ could _that_ happen? Like, ya know, _willingly?”_ His voice rose in pitch and intensity and his eyes were bugging out of his head.

His Gem paused in thought. “Since last night.”

Steven huffed, incredulous. He was trying to process all of this, struggling to wrap his head around having the embodiment of his Gem right in front of him, sitting on his bed and calmly discussing the semantics of their separation.

It was jarring how different his Gem seemed compared to the first time they met, how petrifying and dreamlike the experience had been. Remembering it now made a shiver run up Steven's spine. Out of all of his near death experiences, Steven had never been so terrified for his life than in that moment, sprawled out on the floor and begging to live, feeling his energy drain with every beat of his weakening heart.

... _Wait._

Steven looked down at his body, his hands clenching and unclenching. He shook his head.

_Then why the f—_

"Healing spit." His Gem announced, seemingly unprompted.

Steven was broken out of his reverie. "What?"

"We have healing spit."

Steven stared, "I _know_." He enunciated, eyes narrowing in confusion. "Why are you telling me that?"

"You were wondering why you do not feel like you're dying. I used our healing spit."

Steven blinked, feeling his cheeks flush.

"Oh."

He scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling stupid. That is, until it caught up to him.

"How did you know I was wondering about that?"

His Gem seemed a little taken off guard by the question, eyes flicking askance. Steven could recognize the hesitation as if he were the one feeling it, figuring that might be how he looks when someone asks him a question he isn't too keen on answering.

"Can you hear my thoughts!?" Steven urged, alarm lighting up his features.

"No." His Gem supplied too quickly. "Well, not exactly. I... can feel what you are feeling, sort of. And I caught glimpses of the— ...what you were thinking about. The rest was intuition."

Steven sat back, stunned into silence. This wasn't the absolute weirdest thing that had happened to him, being split in half and getting to know his Gem as an individual being with its own experiences, but it was certainly up there. His Gem continued on.

"I cannot _hear_ your thoughts, necessarily, but I can get the idea, especially when your thoughts are really strong. I could see some of your dreams last night." His Gem smiled warmly at that, and then kept going, speaking rapidly and almost excitedly, "Much happier dreams, which is good. And I could tell when you woke up this morning. But right now it's sort of foggy, like looking through frosted glass. It's much more clear whenever we are touching."

Steven looked the Gem in front of him up and down dubiously. “Huh.”

Out of the blue, Steven reached for his Gem’s hand, taking a hold of it gently. They both gasped at the same time, as Steven was electrified by his Gem’s power and the other renewed the connection with the human’s body and mind.

Shaking his head, Steven recovered from the initial surprise and his gaze hardened with determination. “So what am I thinking about right now?”

The gem squinted, fuchsia eyes focused. “You are thinking about... Lion. Lion’s mane... You’re wondering if I can breathe in there since I’m a full gem.” A thoughtful aside; “Hm. Yes, I suppose so.”

“It was always so weird how I—I, I mean, we... Couldn’t breathe in there. Guess it was, uh, my problem after all.” Steven offered a shaky grin, and the pink Steven returned it before going back to focusing on the human’s stream of consciousness.

“Now you are thinking about how weird this is. The connection we share, while we are apart. It is, I’ll admit. But I think it’s kind of... nice.”

Pink cheeks flushed even pinker.

Steven smiled bashfully in return. “Yeah. It kinda is.”

The Gem squeezed the human’s hands gently.

“Now... You are worried—“ The Gem’s eyes rolled with an affectionate chuckle. “No, your hands do not feel clammy, they are fine. Oh, okay, now...”

Those pink lips pulled into a contemplative line.

“Our names? Steven.” The glowing twin frowned. “Oh. Well, yes, I see what you mean. If we are Steven together, then apart we would be— You–I would be... No.”

Suddenly, those warm hands pulled back from the human’s decidedly clammy ones, and Steven was surprised by how much he immediately missed the touch. His pink twin was looking anywhere but Steven's direction, distress crinkling the Gem’s brow.

The silence between them was heavy and tense enough for Steven to realize which one of his thoughts had upset his other half.

“That was _her_ name.” The Gem eventually muttered.

"Sorry," Steven ducked his head down, guilt over his own thoughts making him feel conflicted. He bit his lip, training his eyes on the Gem in front of him who seemed to be just as sensitive about their mother as he was. This, of course, made sense. It was strange, having those feelings reflected back at him and mutually understood. It was a good strange, though. Steven could assume that they also mutually felt the need to change the subject. "Hey, we don't have to worry about that right now. We can just—"

"No, I'm sorry," Steven's Gem sighed, rubbing away at bright, crystalline eyes. "After all, it's not like you are going to introduce me. I can—sorry, I should not have stayed after you fell asleep last night. We should fuse back."

Steven's face fell, a strange sinking feeling of disappointment settling in his stomach.

"Oh. Uhm. Okay. I guess you're right."

He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes trailing over his comforter until two pink hands stuck out into his field of vision. He looked up at the Gem unsurely before getting the hint and clasping their hands together.

In a flash, Steven is pulled against his Gem's warm chest and they are encompassed in light. When he opened his eyes again, there was a buzzing in his ears. He blinked, looking around at his now empty room, feeling whole but, strangely, like he was missing something.

For the rest of the morning, Steven felt off. After the events of that morning, going through the motions of getting breakfast and interacting with the Gems while trying to act normal was proving to be a challenge. He felt like he was keeping some deep, dark secret from them as he poured milk into his cereal bowl, mind reeling and images of his Gem's face flashing behind his blinking eyes.

"Are you feeling okay, Steven?" Pearl's voice broke through the noise and he looked up at her like a startled deer.

"Fine." He replied sharply and then, realizing how weird he sounded, he chuckled nervously. The Gems had become a lot more perceptive to Steven's behavior in recent years, something that he usually could appreciate because it meant he didn't have to spell it out to them whenever he was having a bad brain day. Right now, however, their hypersensitivity to him was certainly not ideal. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just a little tired. I slept kinda weird last night." He could feel his cheeks warming slightly at his own excuse. Not a lie, but not the full truth, either. 

The rest of the day went similarly, with Steven dodging probing questions as his brain was alight with thoughts of his Gem. He tried to push them down, figuring there was no use obsessing over this random meeting with the magical part of himself that had been over before it had even really begun. It's not like they'd be meeting again any time soon, right?

He visited Little Homeschool, dropping into Bismuth's and Peridot's classes and saying hello to random passerby Gems who were as happy to see him as ever. This served as a decent distraction and, come nighttime, he was able to put his stray thoughts away and just enjoy playing Lonely Blade in his room with Amethyst for a while.

Eventually, late in the night, Amethyst became bored and, after she had stolen at least half of his fridge's contents, left Steven for her own room with a cheerful ' _Peace out!_ '

Steven yawned, getting up from his criss-cross position on the floor and going downstairs to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Spitting out water into his sink, he caught his own eye in the mirror and stopped for a moment to study himself. He looked the same as always, same old Steven Universe, but something felt different about his reflection that he couldn't quite place.

When Steven crawled into bed and shut off the lights, he couldn't keep it all at bay anymore. He let his mind wander to his Gem, resting his hand on the shining stone over his sleep shirt. He wished their time hadn't been cut so short this morning, feeling like they were just beginning to understand their existence separate from one another before they were suddenly fused again, as if nothing had even happened. Steven sighed, shifting restlessly.

He wondered with a pang, if he happened to have a bad enough nightmare tonight, would he catch of glimpse of his Pink twin again, too exhausted and wrung-out to stay awake and the Gem potentially being gone by morning? Steven couldn't decide which would be better, sleeping through the night peacefully on his own or being haunted by a night terror and the subsequent comfort of a warm body lulling him back to sleep.

Steven's racing mind slowed and it was dark enough that he hardly noticed when his eyes shut on their own. A warm glow shone through his eyelids and he didn't realize what it meant until he felt a pair of soft lips graze his forehead. Blinking his eyes open again, Steven was pleasantly surprised to find the same face he woke up to this morning staring back at him again. That being said, he was confused by the unprompted appearance.

"You came back?" Steven whispered even though, in his empty home, he didn't need to. "Why?"

His Gem smiled sweetly at him, "Why should I wait for a nightmare if I can watch over you and try to prevent them in the first place?"

Steven chuckled, "Good point," and pulled his comforter to his shoulders as he shivered.

"Are you cold?" His Gem's eyes shone in the darkness of their bedroom, concern and attentiveness glittering in them.

"A little," Steven barely got out before those pink arms were being wrapped around him. He could feel their warmth radiate into his body. It was a bit uncomfortable, however, because his Gem was laying above the covers, pulling the sheets tight around Steven's shoulder. He asked with a slight huff: "Do you maybe wanna get under the blanket?"

With the permission, the Gem didn't waste a single second getting under the comforter with the human. Awkward shifting ensued, with Steven scooting back and forth on the bed and his Gem watching his every move, waiting for some sort of cue.

"I-uh, I'm still kinda cold." Steven mumbled half-heartedly, even though his body was actually flushing with slight embarrassment. He knew what he wanted from the Gem, and the Gem no doubt knew it, too, but there was still hesitation. This was uncharted territory for Steven's conscious mind, and it was layered with implicit questions and anxieties. Despite that, it was only natural for the human to seek out touch from his other half, the touch that made him feel whole in a brand new way.

Luckily, the Gem lifted the burden of decision-making off of his shoulders, finally getting the hint. His pink twin scooted closer under the covers and wrapped Steven up in an embrace, pulling the human close and surrounding him with warmth.

"Like this?" His Gem asked softly.

Steven let himself relax a little in the hold, sighing, "Yeah."

Then there was silence, enough for Steven to hear his own breathing and notice that his Gem was as still as a statue, no tell-tale sign of the chest he was laying against rising and falling and no dull thudding of a heartbeat inside of it.

"Is this ... you know, weird to you at all?" Steven asked in the quiet of the room, his voice muffled by the blanket he hid part of his face under.

"Is it weird to you?" His Gem's voice rang out clear as a bell and Steven could feel it from the slight vibration of his Gem's sternum against his cheek, a small comfort the human didn't realize he would appreciate.

"I don't know," Steven answered honestly. He craned his head up to look at his other half. "I mean, we're the same person, right? So, I'm just cuddling with myself. Does that make it normal?" Steven huffed a little, hysterically, "Or does it make it weird? I mean, we're not really supposed to be unfused, right? We're not meant to be two people."

"Not unless it serves a purpose," His Gem counters, eyes gleaming thoughtfully. "We are unfused so I can keep the nightmares at bay and monitor your dreams, helping you achieve a full night's rest."

Steven bit his lip unsurely.

"Are you still cold?"

"What?" The human blinked in realization, "Oh, no, I'm warm now."

"Then cuddling serves a purpose as well." His Gem smirked down at him.

Steven stared for a moment before breaking into a bout of laughter. "You sure are analytical when it comes to making me feel better, huh?"

"That's my job."

"What, being analytical?"

"Making you feel better."

Steven cheeks flushed a little as he laid his head back down on his Gem's chest. He hummed in agreement and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath in and then out.

"Goodnight, Steven." He could hear the smile on the Gem's lips.

_Goodnight_ , Steven thought in response, knowing his Gem would get the message.

As Steven breathing evened out and sleepiness began to creep into his mind, he began to notice the particular scent of Gem beneath him. It was something sweet yet a little tart, fresh but subtle and very distinctive to him. It smelled like some kind of berry, like a strawberry or a...

"Raspberry." Steven mumbled drowsily, knowing he placed it right. He felt and heard the Gem chuckle.

"You think I smell like a raspberry?"

"Yeah, you really do," He giggled, "Wait, that's what we could call you... Razz for short?"

At the suggestion, Steven felt a surge of warmth flow into him, an emotion that he could tell wasn't his own but was being fed through the connection they shared. _Gratitude_.

"I like that." His Gem, now Razz, whispered to him, bringing up his hand to card through Steven's curls.

Steven smiled against Razz's chest, taking in a whiff of his scent again, and slowly melted into the best sleep he's had in a long time.

❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you enjoyed!


	2. Rude Awakening

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It had been a few weeks of Steven and Razz’s nightly routine. They would unfuse behind a metaphorical closed door (Steven’s family has yet to get one installed for his room) when all the other members of the household would retire to the temple. They’d spend the whole night together, talking and enjoying the others company. Steven would try to stay awake for longer and longer to keep enjoying their time apart/together, but he’d inevitably get worn out and sometimes fall asleep mid-conversation. There was one time he urged Razz to take a load off and sleep as well, to which the Gem was reluctant.

“How am I supposed to keep you safe if I’m asleep?” Razz tilted his head curiously, a crinkle of doubt in his brow.

Steven sighed, ruffling the covers they were under as he sat up. “You’re allowed to take a break once in a while, you know? Everything you do doesn’t have to be about me all the time.”

Razz’s usually neutral face quirked into a slight frown. “I disagree.”

Steven scoffed, pushing him on the shoulder playfully. “C’mon, Razz. You deserve to rest.”

“But then how will—“

“Nope!” Without warning, Steven tackled the Gem, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling them both down on the pillows. He maneuvered Razz so his back was to Steven’s chest, burying his face into the Gem’s nape where his perfume-like scent was the strongest. He sighed contentedly, absorbing the warmth from the light-composed body pressed against him. “We’ll sleep just like this. If I wake up from a bad dream, I’ll just hug you like a teddy bear.” He squeezed Razz in his arms to demonstrate, forcing a tiny giggle from the Gem. “See, isn’t this comfy?”

Razz huffed out an exasperated breath he didn’t need to take, trailing his hand idly along the one wrapped around his middle, “Yes, I suppose it is very ‘comfy.’” Razz paused, contemplating, “If I try to sleep just this once, will it make you happy?”

“Mm- _hmm_...” Steven hummed, and it vibrated pleasantly against Razz’s neck. “Very happy.”

“Then I will try. Just this once.”

“Thank you.” The human said in a sing-song voice. He punctuated his gratitude with a small, chaste kiss to his shoulder.

The action surprised a shiver out of Razz and his gem warmed in response to the feelings Steven’s affection evoked. Razz had, of course, kissed Steven before. He had to use his saliva every time they split to activate his healing powers and keep Steven alive. He typically chose places like Steven’s forehead, his hand and, on one occasion, the tip of his nose, which had prompted a flustered giggle out of the human. However, Steven had never kissed him; there was no practical reason for him to. The minuscule gesture continued to buzz through Razz’s head, looping around and around like a ride at Fun Land.

Steven pulled him closer. “Relax, Razz,” he mumbled, “I can feel you thinking, you know.”

Razz sensed a hint of embarrassment from Steven as he returned his attention back on the human, who was possibly regretting his thoughtless affection, but the emotion was being pushed down and washed away by comfort and the insistent tug of sleepiness.

“I can’t help it,” Razz admitted to him in a whisper, “Gems are not meant to sleep _._ ”

“Yeah, but we used to be a hybrid,” Steven countered, “You can’t tell me you forgot how to sleep. We’ve been doing it our whole life.”

Razz shifted restlessly but was careful not to dislodge himself from Steven’s embrace. “It’s difficult to just... _Stop thinking_.”

“Just close your eyes,” Steven instructed, then paused in suspicion, “Are they closed?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, now... picture the ocean. You’re sitting on the shore, watching the tide come in.” Steven could almost see it himself with his eyes cracked open, watching the back of Razz’s head. He was unsure which of them the picture was coming from exactly, but he hoped for Razz’s sake it was the Gem. “It rolls in, and then back out, and back in and... Just like that. Only think about that.”

There was a comfortable silence that stretched as the two watched the tide in their minds. One by one, each of Razz’s limbs relaxed, going limp in Steven’s hold. The Gem's glow began to diminish as well as he fell deeper, darkening the room. Surprisingly, Steven began to feel the Gem’s chest move, his body expanding and retracting along with his light, barely audible snoring. Steven cracked that up to muscle memory from their time as a fusion rather than necessity, considering Razz didn’t bother to breathe when he was being Steven’s late night watchman. 

Regardless, the human was very pleased with himself that he’d finally gotten Razz to fall asleep. He was careful not to jostle him as he eventually did just the same.

In the morning, much to Steven’s triumph, Razz admitted to enjoying the feeling of sleeping (specifically, the feeling of sleeping while being cradled by his human from behind, something that didn’t need to be said aloud to be understood), and it quickly became an every night thing for them. It was nice for Steven to know his Gem wasn’t being kept awake on guard for the human’s night terrors, and Razz was clearly enjoying it as well.

In hindsight, the whole thing may have been a little bit of a very bad idea.

One fateful morning, when the sun had long begun creeping in through the glass doors leading to the deck, the pair were faced with quite the rude awakening in the form of a long-haired, purple ball bouncing into their bed.

Steven, startled by the intruding Crystal Gem breaking him out of sleep and out of his embrace with his Gem, flailed and tumbled onto the hardwood, leaving Razz to the proverbial wolves as he shot awake and immediately locked eyes with Amethyst.

The Quartz’s big, dopey grin was wiped from her face in an instant, “Uhh...”

Steven scrambled to his knees and peeked over the side of his bed, finding two pairs of bewildered eyes suddenly on him. Razz was frozen in uncertainty and Amethyst in astonishment as her mouth went agape.

“What the f—“ She began to screech, but Razz was quick to lunge forward and clap his hand over her mouth, staring her down with purpose.

“Oh no, um, uh...” Steven stammered, crawling back up onto the bed with them.

The Gem whipped his head and his flaming magenta eyes were boring into Steven’s with wordless panic. They didn’t need to be touching for Steven to get his message: _What on earth do we do?!_

Steven was quick to act, figuring Razz couldn’t keep the Quartz silent forever.

“Okay, Amethyst. It’s okay, he’s safe, it’s all okay.” Steven assured, gesturing to his Gem and patting him on the head to get the idea across. “Please, just... Don’t freak out or get the Gems or anything. I promise I’ll explain everything. Okay? Nod if you understand.”

Slowly, Amethyst nodded in understanding, her eyes wide as saucers but still communicating her compliance.

After several second of palpable stillness, Steven cleared his throat.

“Razz, you can let her go now.”

Razz, somewhat reluctantly, did as he was told. Amethyst’s mouth fell open again once it was free, but she was thankfully silent.

“So,” Steven chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m sure you’re wondering why there’s two of us.”

Amethyst nodded again, dumbstruck.

“Well, okay. It’s kind of a long story, so I won’t get into it, but... Uh, basically...” Steven closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “Like, it’s just that _meandmygemaretwoseparatebeingsandwecanunfuseatwillsowe’vebeendoingthatatnighttohelpmesleep_.”

“And you can’t tell Pearl or Garnet.” Razz added urgently.

Amethyst’s face didn’t change and for a second Steven started to worry that they broke her.

Of course, they both knew this day would come eventually; the more time they spent apart, the more they wanted to stay that way. It was becoming increasingly disappointing to fuse every morning and trudge down the stairs to pretend nothing was going on. They wanted to try spending the day together, but the fear they both felt around explaining the details of their separation to their family left both human and Gem committed to their secrecy.

_Well, so much for that._

“Amethyst, please say something!” Steven begged, anxiety filling him up to the brim.

“... _Fuck_.” Amethyst finally groaned, burying her head in her hands like she was dealing with a massive headache.

Steven and Razz exchanged a look.

Razz shrugged. “Well, that is _something_.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Amethyst suddenly straightened, her gaze darting back and forth between the two versions of the boy she took part in raising, “Steven is a fusion?!”

The two boys nodded in unison.

Amethyst took a minute to let that sink in, her eyes shining with something hard to place. Steven swallowed, his nerves buzzing through him and, by proxy, Razz as well. Seemingly out of nowhere, Amethyst started to laugh, hoarse and hysterical.

“What’s so funny?” Steven asked, alarmed by the out-of-nowhere reaction. Razz looked to him, his confused expression being reflected back.

“Garnet was right!” Amethyst howled, rocking back and forth on the bed with her laughter.

“You bet I was,” Came a voice from the doorway and Steven and Razz jumped at the second intrusion.

Steven let out a little shriek and Razz rushed to grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly.

Garnet just smirked, looking down at them with her warm, uncovered three eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. “Together Breakfast is ready, you three better come down. I’ll tell Pearl to make another plate.”

“What?” Razz squawked, holding onto Steven’s hand even tighter.

“We can’t face Pearl like this!” Steven protested, gesturing emphatically to the space around him and his counterpart.

“Don’t worry.” Garnet soothed, winking at them with her third eye before summoning her missing shades. “She’ll only freak out for an hour or so.”

Now, while Garnet’s Future Vision was able to predict Steven being a fusion, that didn’t mean it was right all the time. Pearl reacted _poorly_ , to say the least, spewing out dozens of questions neither Steven nor Razz felt comfortable answering. In the end, it was a matter of affirming their identity, something Razz had been dreading since the start. Pearl was making things especially difficult.

“I mean, it’s just... This is...” Pearl was opening and closing her mouth like a suffocating fish. “I-I don’t understand. This gem is P- _Pink Diamond_ , you’re —“

“No.” Steven interrupted her firmly and her lost expression became frozen on her face. He could feel Razz had tensed up next to him, a flood of conflicting emotions coming through their connection. He squeezed his Gem’s arm comfortingly and reached down to clasp his hand. “Pearl, listen to me. Mom gave up her gem to make us. _This_ is who we are, who we’ve always been. Who _he’s_ been since we were born.”

Steven turned to look at his counterpart, smiling at him gently, then focused back on Pearl, who’s expression was now akin to that of a scolded child.

“And he likes to be called Razz.” Steven added matter-of-factly.

Despite their concerted efforts, Pearl continued to spiral and the Together Breakfast was left sitting on the counter, forgotten. The sight and sheer concept of her pseudo-son being split in half eventually became too much for the neurotic Gem to handle. Around lunchtime, she all but ran away from the situation, hiding in her room to process everything.

Steven and Razz, who had been basically attached at the hip since trodding downstairs as two people for the first time, both winced at the sound of Pearl’s shutting door.

Garnet, breaking the tension in the room, stepped forward and rested a hand on one of Razz’s and one of Steven’s shoulders.

“It’s going to be alright.” Garnet assured them, “Pearl just needs some time. She’ll come around eventually.”

“Yeah,” Steven sighed, utterly exhausted and secretly annoyed from this entire situation. He broke out of Garnet’s touch, rubbing his arm unsurely, “Eventually.”

Garnet took her hand back and placed it upon Razz’s other shoulder, facing him head on and kneeling down to his level. She smiled at him kindly. “You should know, Razz, I’m happy to have you as part of the family.”

Razz, who had gone wide-eyed from the sudden attention, gave her an impish smile in response. It made him feel a little relieved, knowing that Garnet was willing to accept Razz and Steven as who they were even if Pearl couldn’t right now.

Steven, who had gone narrow-eyed in scrutiny, zeroed in on Garnet’s hands which were still touching his other half. There was an unpleasant feeling rising in Steven’s gut, hot and acidic and ultimately unfamiliar.

“Yeah!” Amethyst piped up, grabbing onto Steven and shaking him playfully, “The more Steven the better! ‘Sides, now I can stay up all night playing video games with half of you while the other half sleeps!”

“Uh, that’s not really how it works,” Steven told her gruffly, distracted by the contact between Garnet and his Gem that his eyes seemed to be glued to. “Hey, guys, can, uh, Razz and I have the room to ourselves for a bit?”

His right eye twitched slightly when Garnet just looked over at him and still hadn’t taken her hands off Razz’s shoulders.

Steven cleared his throat, “Like, right now?” His brows shot up his forehead expectantly. Steven reached out for his Gem and, in an instant, Razz was at his side.

“Uh, yeah...” Amethyst’s raspy voice sounded a little dubious. She eyed Steven up and down for a split second before gesturing to the Crystal Gem’s leader. “Come on, Garnet, why don’t we go check on Pearl?”

Garnet straightened back up, her expression completely neutral as she stalked over by Amethyst and the two made their way to the temple door.

“Play nice, you two,” Garnet joked right before the temple door shut and Steven couldn’t suppress his eye roll.

“Thank the Stars that’s over,” The human grumbled, using their well-deserved privacy to quickly gather the Gem up and hold him tight, burying his face into the sweet-smelling curls. “For now, anyway.”

Razz was a little surprised by the fierce embrace but wrapped his arms around his human gratefully, chuckling a little. “I thought it went fairly well,” He told him, voice ringing out optimistically, “All things considered.”

“I don’t know, it probably would’ve gone better if it had actually happened on purpose,” Steven groused, shaking his head and leaning back to look at Razz with an arched brow, “And not because the Gems don’t understand what boundaries are.”

Razz reached up and grasped Steven’s cheek, hoping to smooth away the frown there. “But aren’t you glad we don’t have to hide anymore?”

Steven looked to the ground, his cheeks tinting and a somewhat reluctant smile pulling at his lips. “Yeah. Yeah, of course I am.”

“I am, too,” Razz beamed, his eyes glittering.

Steven sighed out a long breath, tilting his head down and nuzzling his face into the crook of Razz’s neck. Razz let out a small gasp at the feeling, his face beginning to glow a darker shade of pink and his gem warming in his belly. Steven was savoring Razz’s scent and his hot breath ghosting over his skin, making Razz shiver.

“You’re being very affectionate,” The Gem commented with a bubbling laugh, smiling helplessly.

Steven paused, “Huh?”

“And you haven’t let me go since Garnet and Amethyst left.”

“Oh,” Steven only then noticed how tightly he had been gripping Razz’s hips and quickly checked himself, loosening his fingers. He blushed brightly, eyes everywhere but on Razz as he leaned back. “S-sorry.”

“It’s not that I mind,” Razz insisted, placing his own hands over the pair on his hips. “I always enjoy your touch.”

There was a moment of strange tension as Steven looked back up at Razz and Razz stared at Steven. The air became stuffy and humid, crackling with what seemed to be static electricity.

Steven bit his lip, unsure what to do with this moment. It was a little nerve-wracking and, given their current proximity, Steven knew Razz could see, hear and feel every thought that whizzed through his head.

The silence was miraculously broken by the sound of the human’s stomach grumbling, complaining over the skipped family breakfast that morning.

“Why don’t we order some pizza?” Steven suggested, clearing the air and their shared headspace with the thought of pepperoni and mushroom.

“Sounds like a perfect idea,” Razz agreed easily.

By the time Kiki had delivered the pizza to their doorstep, the two were sitting and relaxing on the living room couch, basking in the glowing sun shining through the windows and savoring the taste of cheese and sauce on their tongues.

“You know,” Steven said past a mouth full of food, “I think I figured out what we should ask for for Christmas this year.”

“What’s that?” Razz asked, taking a small bite out of his slice.

Steven swallowed, then leaned forward conspiratorially.

“A _bedroom door_.”

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you enjoyed!


	3. The Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got some art in this art in this story now, y'all! The two pieces in this chapter are mine, but I've added a lovely piece from my great friend [Laddinger](https://twitter.com/LaddingerVAs) to Chapter 1! I've included a link to her twitter, go check her out! And please go back to the first chapter to look at her art, it's too adorable to miss!

❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀

Razz looked down at himself and his pink, light-composed pajamas, a perfect replica of the ones Steven had been wearing the last time they had unfused. That had been nearly a week ago. Steven, organic as he is, had gone through several costume changes while Razz has continued sporting the same pink-hued t-shirt and glowing pinstriped pants.

The two of them wanted to take a stroll along the boardwalk today and meet up with Connie to introduce her to the new and improved Razz. Considering she had been among the first people to ever see Steven’s gem personified, the pair agreed that she deserved to know they were split up again, and this time on good terms. Steven had called Connie to explain everything once the weekend had come around, knowing she was too busy with exams and filling out college applications to handle the news at any other time. Connie was obviously more than intrigued by the whole situation and agreed to meet up that following Sunday afternoon by the Big Donut.

It was Sunday morning, and Steven was just now considering the fact that Razz was stuck wearing an imitation of his pjs.

“So you won’t be able to change without retreating into your Gem?”

“That, or by fusing with you,” Razz explained, wringing his hands as he sat on the bed and watched Steven pace.

Steven paused. It’s not that they _couldn’t_ fuse back, it was more a matter of neither of them _wanting_ to. Even if it would just be for a second, it still wasn’t a favored option. Razz would just reform with whatever Steven was wearing at the moment of separation, robbing him of his individuality, something the pair had been so desperately trying to assert to their family lately.

Then it clicked; it’s not as if Gems were incapable of wearing organic clothing. It was the perfect time for a makeover! Steven, though his everyday wear tended to be rather repetitive, had been collecting more and more of a wardrobe in recent years. Surely he could find something Razz might like to wear.

“I got it!” Steven bounced excitedly, grabbing onto Razz’s hands and pulling him up so they were both standing. “How would you feel about trying some of my organic clothes?”

“That sounds nice,” Razz grinned, enthused with the idea. For whatever reason, the idea of wearing Steven’s clothes made warmth emanate from his gem. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, let’s see,” Steven mused, pulling Razz over to his closet by the hand. He rifled through its contents, pushing past the hangers with his summer clothes on them. “It is getting kinda cold out, so maybe we can both wear some sweaters? Ooh, like this one.”

Steven pulled out a black sweater with a gold star printed on the center of it, the neck line, sleeves and bottom of it lined by rib cuffing of the same color. Razz eyed it briefly and looked at the shirt Steven was currently wearing, noticing that the color palette was the exact same, with the exact same Crystal Gem/Mr. Universe emblem.

“I think that one would look best on you,” Razz smirked, running his fingers up and down the smooth, new-feeling fabric. “It certainly fits your style.”

Steven looked down at himself. “I guess you’re right,” he admitted sheepishly, shrugging off his jacket and pulling the sweater over his head and down on top of his t-shirt. “Stars are kinda my signature look.”

“A Crystal Gem through and through,” Razz teased, tucking a curl that had strayed onto Steven’s forehead back in its place.

Steven ran his own hand through his hair bashfully, then cleared his throat. “Okay, back on task.”

They cycled through a few different options found within the depths of the closet: a multicolored poncho Steven doesn’t remember acquiring, a thick brown turtleneck Razz not-so-subtly scrunched up his nose at, and a neon orange sweatshirt that would have clashed with Razz’s glowing pink skin tone horrendously.

“Hey, what do we got here?” Steven picked up a crumpled ball of fabric tucked away in the corner of his closet, unfurling it to reveal an article of clothing that made Razz’s eyes go starry.

It was a creamy white oversized hoodie with a red heart stitched on the center, it’s drawstrings a little tangled and knotted but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with patient fingers. The sleeves ended in cuffs like Steven’s, but these ones were red. The neck line was a deep, wide v-shape and the fabric at the bottom of the hoodie was curiously rolled up into a sort of tube shape.

Steven recognized this hoodie. He had gotten it from Amethyst during one of the few times she actually cleaned out her room. If he remembered correctly, it originally belonged to Vidalia who had worn it in the 90s, years before Steven was born. It had been far too big on him back when he first got it as a preteen, making him look awkward with its stretched, feminine proportions.

“I don’t know if you’ll wanna try this—“

“Yes!” Razz interrupted, transfixed by the secondhand hoodie. It may have been a little faded and dingy, but the colors intrigued Razz. Also, it looked _soft_.

Steven smiled, happy to see Razz so eager.

“Okie-dokie!” He tossed it over to his Gem who caught it almost reverently.

“Soft,” Razz hummed happily, his suspicions confirmed. He found the opening, the stretchy fabric making it easy to slip on over his pink light-composed t-shirt. He adjusted the sleeves which were snug on his wrists and fixed the hood so it was no longer flattening his head of curls. He ran his hands down his chest until they met the rolled up bottom. Razz took note that the hoodie stopped quite short on his body with it like this. He rolled out the fabric and quickly realized it wasn’t much longer unfurled, seeming to have been cut across at the waist.

“It’s a crop-top,” Steven explained, giggling a little at Razz’s perplexed face. “It’s supposed to show your belly.”

“Oh,” Razz looked to his human, then back down at himself, “That’s why it looks so strange.”

It did look rather strange, given that you could clearly see the light-composed sleep shirt and the rest of his simulated outfit under the single organic item on Razz’s body. Well, that just wouldn’t do.

“Hm...” Steven thought for a moment, tapping a finger to his chin. With a sudden lightbulb, he turned around to make his way to his dresser, “If you can just phase out of your clothes, I‘ll find you some nice, soft pants to go with the hoodie!”

Steven heard the sound of dissolving light coming from his Gem, a familiar sound like when the Crystal Gems would dematerialize their weapons, as he searched through his drawer. He eventually found what he was looking for, a pair of periwinkle sweatpants that were gloriously fluffy inside. It was one of the softest things he owned. Steven turned back to his Gem, excited to show them to him but immediately yelped in surprise.

“Wow, um,” Steven’s voice cracked as he whipped back around to his dresser, his face going beet red. He stumbled as he went for the top drawer, “I-I guess I’ll get you some underwear, too!”

“Okay,” Razz chirped, going to sit on the edge of their bed, blissfully unaware.

Steven’s cheeks were burning up, cursing himself for not anticipating this when he casually told his Gem to _phase out of his clothes_. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was so embarrassed. Razz was Steven’s gem so, rationally, they might as well be the same person. Their bodies were completely identical, even in ways that aren’t natural for Gems, as Steven had just found out. It’s not as if Steven got embarrassed looking at himself in the mirror after a shower. But of course this was different. _Why was this so incredibly different?_

Steven retrieved a pair of briefs and he took a moment to gather himself. He eventually stood up and half turned around so he could fling the underwear in Razz’s direction, avoiding looking at him anywhere below the gem.

“Here ya go!”

Razz picked them up off of the bed where they landed, “Thank you.”

Steven shuffled from foot to foot, looking all around his room as if he had never seen it before as Razz slipped on the briefs. Once covered, Steven faced him, sweatpants in hand.

“Okay, now try these on.” Steven felt that his cheeks were still warm and he hoped Razz didn’t notice. It’s possible the Gem was too distracted by how fuzzy the sweatpants presented to him were, standing up and taking them from the human with awestruck eyes. Gracefully, he stepped into the pants and a big smile split his face as soon as he did.

“They’re so soft and warm!” Razz cheered, running his hands down his legs before looking back up at his human, “I love them!”

Then Razz did something Steven wasn’t expecting and possibly couldn’t fully process given the events of the past thirty seconds. He leaned over and kissed Steven on the cheek, making the skin there tingle pleasantly.

“Thank you, Steven!” Razz said brightly, a 100watt smile on his face.

Steven rubbed that spot on his flushed cheek. “You’re welcome.”

Now fully dressed, Razz did a little spin, showing off his new, organic outfit.

“It all looks great on you!” Steven complimented, and he really meant it.

The Gem was being so bubbly, so elated by his new look, and it just added to his adorableness. The pants were snug and the light blue color complimented Razz spectacularly. That secondhand sweatshirt also suited him very well, Razz filling it out much more nicely than 12 year old Steven had. The loose attire was cute on him, too, and the exposed midriff put his gem perfectly on display.

When Steven was really young, wearing clothes or fabric over his belly, scratchy or otherwise, irritated his gem, so he would often go shirtless or tie up his shirts to a crop-top level. As he got older, and started receiving more questions and looks from the occasional Beach City tourist, he resorted to untying the shirts and primarily opted for his father’s soft and comforting band merch tees. Eventually, he got used to the sensation of things rubbing up against his gem. He wondered if Razz would have the same problem with any organic fabric and surmised that a crop-top might just have been the perfect fit for him.

A couple of hours later, it was time to make their way to the Big Donut. They were a little nervous to leave the house. Every other important person in their lives, namely Greg, Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis, already knew of Razz’s existence. Most of people of Beach City, however, did not. The Pizzas were an exception, as Kiki had been over twice to drop off a pie since their perpetual separation.

Descending down the stairs of their porch, Razz and Steven joined hands, finding comfort in the others touch. They made their way towards town and sat at the bench outside the Big Donut to wait for Connie to arrive.

Steven remembered sitting on this same bench as Stevonnie what felt like a lifetime ago. It occurred to him he’d never not been a fusion while out in the open like this, on this particular bench.

When Connie showed up, she immediately complimented their outfits. The pair could tell she was a little flustered as they sat and talked, eating donuts. It made sense, after all. The first time Steven split had been a traumatic experience for all three of them, something they hoped to bandage a little with a new, positive experience.

“So... You’re planning on staying like this? Unfused, I mean.” Connie asked somewhat hesitantly, taking the last bite of her jelly donut.

Razz and Steven exchanged a look, getting the needed information from each other to formulate an answer.

“For the foreseeable future, yes.” Razz confirmed. “It helps Steven sleep and... Also, provides us company. We’re never alone when we’re unfused.”

“That’s... Great!” Connie nodded emphatically, clearly trying her best to be supportive and hiding whatever personal opinions she might be forming on the matter. “I’m glad that... You know, you guys can be there for each other. That’s _great_.”

“It is!” Razz agreed, ever the innocent optimist.

By the time Connie had exhausted herself with her various questions and other such small talk, she was ready to go home, telling them she had more studying to do before tomorrow’s school day. The pair wished her well and watched her portal off with the help of their gracious Lion.

“You mentioned wanting to go down the boardwalk earlier today. Is that something you still would like to do?” Razz asked him, cupping his hand and turning to face him on the bench.

Steven considered it. He was a little worn from answering every one of his best friend’s questions about them all afternoon, but he figured a nice walk wouldn’t hurt. “Yeah. I’m still up for it if you are.”

And so the human and Gem made their way down Beach City’s strip as the sun began setting over the ocean. It was a lovely sight, and the crisp autumn air did nothing to spoil the scent of saltwater and fried food.

“Hi, Steven! Hi, Razz!” Jenny called out to them with a wave while she was loitering with the Cool Kids by her family’s shop.

“How’s it going, guys?” And “Sup.” Came from Sour Cream and Buck respectively and Steven and Razz assumed they had been completely filled in by the gossipy Jenny. It was nice that breaking the news to everybody wasn’t completely on the duo’s shoulders.

“Hi, Jenny, Buck, Sour Cream! It’s going pretty good.” Steven greeted, breezing past them on their walk. Razz just waved politely.

As they passed the Fry Shop, they noticed the joint was closing down, as it normally did around this time during the off-season. 

“Oh my gosh!” Came a booming voice from the alley, one they both recognized immediately. All of the sudden, a tall, portly figured jumped in front of them and Razz gripped Steven’s hand more tightly. “No way! What happened to you?!”

“Oh, hey Ronaldo.” Steven greeted weakly, taking a slight step back, his Gem following suit. “This is Razz, he’s my gem. We, uh... we’re unfused.”

“That’s something you can do?!” The Fry son shouted incredulously, hands slapping onto either side of his face. “That’s _amazing!_ I gotta get this for my blog.”

Without warning, Ronaldo took his phone out and snapped a picture of them. All in all, unsolicited photos weren’t cool, but it’s not like Keep Beach City Weird was getting much traction nowadays, if it ever had. In fact, Ronaldo informing a fraction of the public about them would probably do way more good than harm.

“Anyway, uh... We should probably get going—“ The pair tried to sidestep him, but Ronaldo once again stopped them in their tracks with his excited crowding.

“So how did it happen? Did you, like, get caught in some cosmic guillotine that split you in half? Or did you drink an experimental gem potion and wake up as two people—“

“We can fuse and unfuse at will, just like any gem fusion.” Razz told him dryly, interrupting the spew of nonsense coming from the conspiracy theorist’s mouth.

Ronaldo took that in for a moment, flicking his eyes back and forth between the two of them. The next moment he was suddenly reaching for Steven’s sweater, pulling it up to expose his gemless belly.

“Hey!” Steven protested, more alarmed than angry at the uninvited touch.

“Woah, so your gem is in him now?!” Ronaldo put the pieces together at an absurdly slow pace as he stared at Razz’s glittering diamond. “That’s so nuts!”

Steven may have been simply surprised at Ronaldo’s invading hands at first, when they were only directed at him, but watching the Fry son extend his meaty paw towards Razz’s midriff, nearly making contact with the precious gemstone embedded in his belly, made Steven act before he could think.

He lunged forward, snatching Ronaldo up by the wrist and twisting it. His grip was pretty strong right now, but Steven knew that if he was working with his gem’s full power the human’s wrist would have snapped in pieces like a cracker.

“Do **not** touch it.” Steven growled lowly through gritted teeth, staring Ronaldo down darkly and throwing daggers at him with his gaze. “Don’t you **dare**.”

Red, hot anger was boiling Steven’s blood, the shift is his attitude so massive it nearly gave Razz whiplash.

Ronaldo, to his part, looked absolutely terrified. He’d never seen Steven so menacing before, so full of rage.

“I-I’m sorry!” Ronaldo quivered, trying to wring his wrist free of Steven’s iron-grip. “I didn’t mean—Ah, sorry, I’m sorry, Steven!”

“Steven, it’s okay,” Razz grabbed onto his human’s shoulder and rubbed it soothingly, leaning close and talking quietly into his ear. “Let him go, he didn’t mean any harm. Just let him go. I’m okay.”

Steven, per his Gem’s request, let go of the petrified human who ran away from them without a second to spare, slamming the alley door to the Fry Shop behind him as if he was afraid Steven might follow him in.

Steven blinked rapidly, looking like he was coming out of a trance. He released a heavy breath he didn’t know he had been holding, meeting Razz’s eyes which were staring at him with a mixture of shock and wonder.

“I-I don’t know what that was,” Steven admitted, shaking his head as if to clear it. Now that his anger was subsiding, he was left reeling as his brain caught up with everything that just happened, everything that _he_ just did. “Seeing him go for your gem... I-I just reacted.”

Razz studied his human for a moment before, “Let’s go home,” he decided, turning them around on their path and heading back towards the safe haven of the beach house.

“Yeah,” Steven mumbled, “G-good idea.”

The Cool Kids were openly staring at them, no doubt having witnessed the entire altercation with Ronaldo, as they once again passed by. Steven deliberately avoided their eyes, wanting nothing more than to reach the solace of his bedroom and be able to take a breather with Razz, away from prying eyes and handsy humans.

Finally arriving to their destination, Steven plopped down face first on the bed, only now realizing how exhausted this entire day had made him. Razz sat down next to him, gently carding his fingers through Steven’s hair. The human’s eyes fluttered at the touch.

“Are you hungry?” Razz asked him, his voice little more than a murmur.

“A little, yeah,” Steven breathed, leaning into Razz’s attentive hand. Neither human nor Gem had the energy or willpower to deal with any one else for the rest of the day, so Steven wracked his brain for something they could make for dinner. “I think we have some box mac and cheese in the pantry.”

“I could go make it while you rest up here?” Razz offered.

Steven felt a surge of alarm at the idea of Razz leaving him alone for any period of time.

“Nooo...” Steven whined, borderline childishly, and scrambled to an upright position so he could wrap his arms securely around his Gem’s waist. His fingers grazed over the warm, glowing skin of Razz’s torso, a new sensation Steven definitely didn’t hate. “Stay with me.”

Razz let out a startled laugh as he was pulled down to the mattress. He could have easily resisted Steven’s tackle; he was infinitely stronger than the human and it would take no effort at all to anchor himself in place, but Razz didn’t have the heart and simply went along with Steven’s whim.

“So no mac and cheese, then?” Razz teased as Steven snuggled in closer against his back.

“Maybe we can get Pearl to make it for us,” Steven proposed, and the image being conjured of the motherly Gem leaving two expertly garnished bowls of Kraft in their doorway made Razz giggle despite himself.

“You seem like you want a nap more than mac and cheese,” Razz commented wryly, and Steven hummed noncommittally in response. Razz almost rolled his eyes but instead stiffened at the feeling of Steven’s fingers as they began lazily tracing the slight divot of at the bottom of his sternum.

“Your skin is so soft,” Steven observed, the pads of his fingers beginning to explore the skin of his ribs.

Razz jolted slightly at the ticklish sensation. He hadn’t even known he was ticklish, but feeling Steven’s light touch on his bare skin, made easily accessible with his new crop-top, was sending sparks up Razz’s spine. Razz jolted again as Steven reached a sensitive spot at the bottom of his rib cage.

“Sorry, is this bothering you?” Steven asked, sounding a little self-conscious, his wandering hand coming to an abrupt halt.

“N-no!” Razz stuttered. He already missed Steven’s touch and rushed to assure his human that it was in no way a bother. “It’s just a little ticklish but, uh, y-you can keep going? I-if you want.”

Steven blinked. His Gem sounded _flustered_. He’d never sounded that way before, so shaky and unsure. Steven suddenly wanted to keep exploring and find more buttons to push, just to see what would happen.

Steven ran his blunt nails along Razz’s side and the Gem in his grasp shivered. If it was possible, it seemed like Razz’s skin was getting warmer, even more so than it was naturally. So Steven kept going, tracing circles into Razz’s lower abdomen, rubbing his thumb against his hip until he worked up the nerve to venture farther, hoping to test something. When Steven boldly stroked the face of his gemstone with his thumb, Razz gasped so sharply it almost seemed like it had hurt him.

“Is this okay?” Steven checked in, knowing that someone else touching your gem could be a very unwelcome feeling, especially considering Steven and Razz’s history with it. That being said, Steven had a funny feeling that wouldn’t be the case this time.

Razz nodded rapidly, making Steven smile.

“Good.” Steven voice had an unexpectedly low timbre. He ran his pointer finger along the gem’s facets, making Razz squirm.

Razz was loving the special attention being paid to his gemstone, the very core of his entire being. The feeling was indescribable, sending pleasant tingles all throughout his form with every minuscule brush or slight graze of Steven’s fingers. He was trying to keep himself at least somewhat contained for fear of Steven catching on to how deeply his touch was affecting him and stopping. He _really_ didn’t want Steven to stop, but his head was getting foggier with each passing second, making it hard to focus on anything but the way Steven’s touch made him feel like he was melting. If Gems could sweat, Razz definitely would have been. He arched when the human applied pressure to a facet, letting out an involuntary whimper.

“Wow, you really like this, huh?” Steven attempted to make light of it but his words came out breathier than he meant them to.

Razz nodded again, trembling and kicking his legs out when Steven starting rubbing his gem in slow, circular motions.

Steven bit his lip. Focusing on the actual source of his Gem’s energy instead of just touching his form made Steven’s blood thrum in his veins and his mouth go dry. It always felt nice whenever they made any sort of physical contact, a pleasant wave of warmth and comfort washing over the both of them if they went to hold hands or hugged each other or cuddled at night. This particular touch, however, felt _very_ _different_.

A fleeting thought brought Steven back to earlier today, when Ronaldo was mere inches away from making the worst decision of his life: putting his slimy, unworthy hands on _Razz’s gemstone_. A surge of protectiveness had flooded Steven then and was trickling back in now just thinking about it. What if that oaf had _hurt_ his Razz? What would have happened if Steven hadn’t stopped him? Of course, rationally, Steven knew Razz was more than capable of protecting himself, but just the idea of that entitled, disrespectful human thinking he had any right to touch Razz made Steven clench his jaw in suppressed fury and burning jealousy. Razz’s gem was something sacred, something Steven would guard with his life. It was _his gem_ , too, after all.

Razz may have been especially distracted by the sensations flooding him as the urgency of Steven’s touch increased, but no force in the galaxy could make him miss the single word, a fervent thought, being sent over and over by his human.

_Mine._

_Mine._

**_Mine_** _._

“ _Steven_ ,” Razz panted, writhing in his human’s embrace. It was overwhelming, Steven’s focused attention and persistent touch, that one word, making his head spin and his body practically vibrate with his trembling.

Steven was losing himself, drowning in Razz’s reactions and the intoxicating feelings being sent through their connection, amplified tenfold by this point of contact.

_My Razz._

_My_ **_Gem_** _._

**_Mine_**.

**_Mine_**.

Razz, overcome by the fevered messages filling his head, couldn’t help himself anymore. He twisted his shoulders, shifting his body enough so he was facing the human. Razz was struck by the hooded, hypnotized look in Steven’s chocolate brown eyes. He decided to act on the impulse that was tugging at his heart, blinding him to reason. Razz surged forward, covering Steven’s lips with his own. The kiss sent fireworks off in his head, making his gem feel burning hot and sending subsequent warmth blooming in his belly. The heat made its way to the tips of his fingers as he reached to touch his Steven, cupping his rosy cheek with one hand and gripping onto his forearm with the other. Razz only had to use a modicum of his strength to flip their positions, climbing on top of the human effortlessly.

Steven was overtaken by the taste of raspberries, somehow tart and sweet at the same time. The flavor filled his senses, making him forget where he was, _who_ he was, for a few breathless moments. He felt a hand intertwine with the curls at the back of his head and heard a soft moan as the lips on his own parted. Steven blinked his bleary eyes open and slowly started to realize that he and his Gem may have gotten a little carried away. It wasn’t until he felt Razz shift slightly on top of him, their hips dangerously flush, that Steven understood just how carried away _he’d_ gotten.

Steven broke the kiss with a sharp inhale. He fumbled until his hands found Razz’s shoulders, pushing him off frantically.

“R- _Razz_ , hold on, stop, _stop_ ,” Steven was panting, trying to keep his voice down as panic washed over him. His gaze worriedly flicked over to his empty doorframe, half-convinced this was going to be another time they’d be walked in on unannounced. When he looked back up at his Gem, who was still straddling his lap, there was a pout glaringly evident on his face. “We can’t—“

“Why not?” Razz whined, interrupting a sentence he didn’t want to hear the end of. He was still drunk on the endorphins they’d been sharing and he bounced up and down impatiently like a child throwing a tantrum.

Steven instantly gripped onto Razz’s thighs to still him, eyes wide. He sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth and his voice was cracking all over the place when he gritted out: “Please, don’t-don’t do that.”

Razz arched a brow at him curiously but nonetheless complied, sitting still.

Steven’s cheeks felt like they were on fire, the humiliation of this moment burning him up from the inside out.

“What’s the matter?” Razz stared at his human, his brows furrowing in concern. He didn’t like the unpleasant emotions creeping in from their connection, rising in his throat like bile.

“Uhm, I—“ Steven couldn’t look Razz in the eye, wiggling out from under him and avoiding any accidental brush-ups as he did. He pushed his Gem away gently, “Uh, I gotta—I’m—Um, bathroom!”

It wasn’t the most well-formulated excuse, but Steven’s brain was scattered and it was the best thing he could come up with in the moment. He scrambled off the bed and to his feet, turning his back to Razz as he dashed towards the doorway.

“I-I’ll be right back!” Steven’s voice bounced around in the hallway as he fled down the stairs, nearly tripping on his feet making his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he flung the door open and spun around to shut and lock it behind him. He leaned his back against the door with a thump and let out a long, shaky breath, curling his fingers into his hair as his train of thought ran a mile a minute.

_Razz just kissed him._

Steven covered his face with his hands, the heat of his cheeks ever present against his palms.

_And he enjoyed it._

Steven chuckled hysterically, tears pricking his eyes.

... _Oh, shit_.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you enjoyed!


	4. The Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got more art in this chapter from the lovely [Laddinger](https://twitter.com/LaddingerVAs)! Link leads to her twitter, go check her out!

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Steven was pacing back and forth from either end of his bathroom, nervously chewing his lips, the same ones that had locked with his Gem’s not five minutes ago. Thinking about the events that led to the kiss made Steven want to crawl into a hole from embarrassment. Everything considered, the human was the one who had instigated it, letting the moment fill with tension, with _heat_. It was Steven who’d gotten carried away in the first place, and his poor gem must have been so confused, too innocent to understand the all-too-human feelings Steven was subconsciously sending him and ultimately misinterpreting the moment... By _kissing_ him? An all-too-human gesture, so forward and intense and confusing that it was making Steven’s thoughts spin and hopelessly circle back around to self-deprecation like a broken record.

A gentle knock to the bathroom door broke him out of it, making him jump out of his skin. 

“Steven?” Came Razz’s voice from outside the barrier of the door. It was quiet and uncharacteristically timid. “Are you alright?”

“I’m f—“ Steven cut off his own instinctual response and turned his head to look at himself in the mirror. He looked worse for wear, his anxiety putting heavy strain on his features. He sighed. The past year and change of on-and-off therapy and scolding from his family reminded him to be honest about his feelings, even when it was hard. _Especially_ when it was hard. He scrubbed his face tiredly. “No, not really.” 

“Can I come in?”

Steven hesitated, twisting around and staring at the door contemplatively. He wasn't quite sure he could face Razz right now, the very thought of it making his cheeks heat up all over again. That being said, it's not like Steven could ignore his Gem forever. The distance was already taking its toll on him and, he could imagine, his Gem as well. Steven could practically see Razz through the wood, picturing him leaned up against it, a confused little pout on his face, looking like a puppy that had been kicked to the curb. Steven felt a twinge of guilt in his chest at the image he was conjuring. Wincing, he stepped forward. With a breath to steel himself, he finally unlocked and opened the door. 

The picture in front of him was almost exactly as Steven had imagined it. Razz was standing there with his head tipped down, his glowing eyes darting back and forth beneath the stray curls on his forehead until he finally caught sight of his human. He perked his curly-pink head up instantly, eyes shining with concern.

"What's wrong?" Razz implored him, seeming to be completely oblivious to what Steven could possibly be so worked up about. “Why do you look upset? And why are your cheeks so red?”

Steven did a double-take. He had to be kidding, right? There's no way his Gem had forgotten what had just happened in their bedroom. Razz just stared at him blankly. "You—you seriously don't know?"

The Gem’s brows knitted, looking Steven up and down, scrutinizing. Still lost, Razz reached out to clasp his hands, hoping to get some sort of clue into what was going on in Steven's head. The second he made the barest contact, the human recoiled, shrinking in on himself and purposely avoiding eye contact.

The Gem pulled his own hands back slowly at that and his expression of mild confusion shifted into one of hurt. He blinked and ducked again, studying the doorframe and bathroom tile as he tried to put the pieces together.

“Did I do something wrong?” Razz asked Steven in a whisper.

That grabbed Steven’s attention, making him look back at his Gem in surprise. He took in Razz's guilty face, his defeated posture. It made Steven want to reach out and hold him close, to comfort him, but he resisted the urge, afraid of what touching Razz right now could escalate into. Instead, the human's mouth began bobbing open and closed, trying to summon the right words to say, the right way to handle this. 

“N-no! Well, I mean...” Steven's tone became a little dubious at the end there and he shook his head, sighing. He was already regretting not handling this with more tact. Taking a deep breath to gather himself, he tried again. His voice became careful, gentle. “No. Razz, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

Razz, to his part, looked even more confused and upset by that. “What do you mean?”

“I shouldn’t have—“ Steven was at a loss. How should he explain this? “I guess I just got a little carried away earlier and must have... I don't know. I guess I kinda... gave you the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea?” Razz echoed, tilting his head to the side like a perplexed puppy. _Why did he act so much like a puppy? A sweet, naive, adorable little... No. Stop that._

Steven huffed out a breath exasperatedly, peaking his head out of the doorway where they were planted and quickly scoping out the living room. It was empty. They were still alone in the house, which was a relief. Nevertheless, Steven was uncomfortable with having this conversation right here, out in the open, when the Gems could barge in at any moment. He hurriedly ushered his Gem inside the bathroom and shut the door behind them swiftly, slamming his back up against it.

“The kiss, Razz.” Steven voice cracked horrendously over the word and was muffled by the hands attempting to cover his blazing cheeks. “I’m talking about you kissing me.”

"Which time?" 

Steven's brain short circuited at that, embarrassment almost forgotten as he lowered his hands. He stared at his Gem openly, completely dumbstruck. "What?"

"I've kissed you many times?" His tone was ambiguous, like a weird mix between a statement and a question. Razz quirked his brow. 

Steven blinked. It seemed as if his Gem was being deliberately obtuse, pretending not to know which kiss Steven was referring to. On closer inspection, Steven noticed the slightest upturn to the Gem's lips, a tiny, nearly imperceptible smirk. Was Razz _teasing_ him right now? 

"You know what kiss I'm talking about!" Steven hissed, feeling humiliated all over again. "The one on the lips! The one that _just_ happened!"

Razz's entire demeanor changed in line with Steven's outburst, surprised and regretful. He instinctively went to console his human, leaning closer to him with his brows drawn in worry and gingerly clasping one of his hands. The feelings that flooded Razz with the contact were like a burst of clarity and a smack in the face in one; _the burning, cloying heat of embarrassment, the maelstrom of conflict between self-deprecation and doubt, the image and feeling of their kiss playing over and over and over again in a distorted loop, and the deep-seated, raw, unsettling sense of_ ** _shame_** _._

Razz was struck with everything Steven was experiencing all at once. The fear and negativity pouring into him was as nauseating as it was alarming to the Gem, who wobbled with the impact. His own feelings about those recent, intimate moments they had shared, _light and pleasant and fuzzy,_ were beginning to darken and spoil the more Razz absorbed Steven's point of view. What Razz couldn't understand, however, was—

“Why are you ashamed?” The Gem asked, stunned. 

Steven seemed to just realize Razz was touching him and shook the Gem off in a panic. The human's hands were shaking and his eyes were wide. “I-it isn’t right, Razz!” He spluttered incredulously. Why didn’t his Gem get it? “We can’t do stuff like that!”

"Why not?" Razz countered, his voice calm and incredibly even by comparison. He was clearly still upset, the furrow of his brows and the straight line of his lips evidence of his distress, however subtle it was. 

"What do you mean, 'why not'?" Steven gaped as dozens of reasons immediately supplied themselves in his head. He began to pace, too wound up to stand still anymore. Steven walked around in tight circles in the small space of the bathroom, staring at his feet and gesticulating wildly. "How 'bout, for starters, because you're my Gem? And we're basically the same person? I mean, we look exactly alike, isn't that, like, a teensy bit, I don't know, _weird_ to you?"

Steven was becoming more hysterical as he went on, letting the words spew out of his mouth like vomit without a second to consider the weight of them. 

"Not to mention _self-absorbed_." He thought back to his reaction to the whole event, or, rather, his _body's_ reaction to Razz. Shame bubbled up again and tinted the tips of his ears a bright red. "Oh, _Stars._ I-I can't—" 

It was too much to think about, too much for Steven to handle. Defeated, the human plopped himself down on the toilet lid and hunched over, burying his head into his crossed arms. How could he be so messed up, to lose every semblance of self control and put the two of them in such a mortifying situation? It was all Steven's fault, he had decided. How could it not be? Something had come over him when he starting touching Razz’s gemstone, something he couldn’t begin to wrap his head around or rationalize and here Razz was, an innocent victim to Steven's perversions. 

"Maybe we should fuse back." He heard Razz say, his voice distant and listless. Those words, hearing them out loud, felt like a cold weight sinking into Steven's stomach. He turned his head and caught sight of his Gem. Razz looked absolutely crushed. There was a pinch to his brown and a grimace on his face. His glittering, fuchsia eyes had tears gathering in their corners, something Steven noticed along with a painful stab in his heart. "If me being here in my own form is causing you so much turmoil, maybe I need to go away." His hand, which had slowly trailed up his belly, clutched around his gemstone, a defensive gesture Steven recognized. "Maybe... we need to go back to being just... _Steven_."

“No, no, no,” Steven quickly backpedaled, his voice strained with alarm. He sprang up from his seat and rushed towards Razz to then halt suddenly, hovering his hands around the Gem cautiously. Steven became sick with guilt as everything he’d said during his little rant came back to him at once. All of those thoughtless remarks Steven was stupid not to realize Razz would take personally. “Razz, hey, no, that’s not what I meant. I promise that’s not what I meant.”

The Gem looked away, the disbelief clear on his face. He rubbed at the tears that had started trickling down his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

"It doesn't matter what you meant." He said with a soft, sad smile. "What you said was enough."

"Razz—" Steven tried, voice hushed with shock. 

"You're upset." Razz stated matter of factly, trying to keep himself composed. He still couldn't meet Steven's eyes, though, with his head turned off to the side. Steven watched as his Gem's relatively neutral expression began to falter and his voice began to break over his next words. "Because of _me_. That's not supposed to happen. I-I'm supposed to _protect_ you from hurt. Not cause it. I..." Razz squeezed his eyes shut, stray tears cascading down flushed cheeks. "I failed."

"No!" Steven protested, unwilling to hear anymore of this, unwilling to accept Razz's self-defeat. The human hands flew forward of their own accord and cupped Razz's cheeks, positioning his head so he could look at him straight on. The renewed contact felt like a punch in the gut as Razz's heartbreak came rushing through their connection. With tears now pricking at his own eyes, Steven appealed to his Gem. "Don't stay stuff like that, okay? Don't put yourself down like that, like you don't matter."

Razz had gasped, surprised by Steven's sudden attention, by his touch. The warmth he received from his human's touch was seeping into him so nicely that he couldn't help but cover Steven's hands with his own, grasping lightly onto his wrists and never wanting to let go. Steven continued, resolute. 

"I shouldn’t have said that stuff, it was stupid. You're _more_ than just my Gem, okay? You're... you! You're Razz. I know you want to protect me from being hurt, but that doesn't make it your only purpose. You deserve to be here as much as I do, and not just to make me feel better. How _you_ feel matters to _me_ , too. _Who you are_ matters to me."

Razz's eyes shone with more unshed tears as he let Steven's words sink in, filling him with instinctual doubt along with the greatest sense of _relief_. He hiccuped a breath, a release of emotions welling up in him from himself and Steven combined. Razz almost didn't want to believe Steven's words, a sense of danger lurking in the back of his mind at their implication, a dozen what-ifs swirling around in the depths of Razz's heartless chest. It just felt so good, even for a second, to believe everything that Steven was drilling into him. Razz _did_ deserve to be here. Razz _did_ matter. 

"Besides, if we do fuse back..." Steven let a smile creep onto his face as he grasped Razz's chin. His brown eyes went wide, looking around exaggeratedly. "Who's gonna be my teddy bear tonight?"

At that, Razz couldn't help but let out a chuckle, a wet but delighted sound. Steven laughed along with him. Razz nuzzled into the comfort of Steven's hand as he thumbed away at the tear tracks on Razz's glowing cheeks. 

"Good point."

Steven beamed, so relieved to have remedied Razz's distress and soothed his anxieties that he nearly completely forgot about his own. Honestly, touching Razz tended to have that affect on him, making him feel warm, contented and calm. Of course, it had other affects, and recently one specific affect that Steven was trying not to think about but had been spiraling out over since it happened, as evidence by them being holed up in a bathroom. Steven faltered a little, letting go of Razz's chin and biting his lip in concentration. Would it be responsible to keep in such close contact after what happened in their bedroom? Fusing was out of the question and, naturally, the two were compelled towards each other like magnets. General physical contact was indisputable and cuddling was entirely too pleasant to give up, but everything that had happened earlier shouldn't— _couldn't_ happen again. Steven couldn't trust himself to handle it in a way that wasn't completely inappropriate and embarrassing. He flushed again, looking down at his feet guiltily.

"I'm really sorry, Razz," Steven sighed, "About earlier. For blowing up at you and... f-for what happened before that."

"Before that?" Razz questioned, "What did you do to apologize for before that?"

Steven nearly choked on his own spit as he gulped. He knew he needed to be honest; it was the key to healthy communication, but, _Stars,_ was it hard. Steven certainly couldn't confront it head on, so he tried attacking from the side. "W-when I started touching your gem it—I... things got _heated_." Steven felt so stupid, so vulgar. He ran a hand down his face. "I honestly don't remember it all so clearly but I... I was obviously sending you some signals and I must have really confused you. It's my fault all this... stuff happened. So I'm sorry."

"But I'm the one who kissed you," Razz contradicted, making Steven look back up at him. The Gem looked confused and there was an extra glowy, pink tint to his cheeks. "That's not your fault. I'm the one who chose to do that. And it caused you to panic! I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Steven's head spun, "No, no, it's..." Honestly, he couldn't think of a way to rebuff that and he was having trouble considering it at all without the risk of another meltdown. "I mean, can we just forget about it? Please? Let live and let alone?"

"Forget?" Razz frowned slightly, a little reluctant to let it go for reasons neither of them had the impetus to express. Still, he conceded. "Okay."

"Thank you. And just... let's not do it again." Steven added, flustered. "Kiss, I mean."

"Any kind of kiss?" Razz interjected frantically. He didn't want to give up kissing his human, at least not completely. Clearing his throat, he tried to smooth out his features and smother his steadfast objection to the idea. "Or just on the lips?"

Steven hesitated to answer for a moment, but looking into Razz's eyes and taking note of the rising dread dripping into him from their connection, he simply didn't have the heart to disappoint him. "Just on the lips." He confirmed.

"Okay." Razz accepted those terms with a relieved smile, pleased with that answer. 

"Okay." Steven parroted, running a hand through his hair.

Treading back into normalcy as they treaded back up the stairs was an admittedly difficult thing to do. Steven did his best to try and let go of the whole debacle, promising himself that he'll keep himself in check around Razz from then on. Once settled back in the bedroom, they both decided they were too drained to cook. Steven ended up texting Pearl after all, asking her to make them the box mac and cheese in the pantry with a pretty please and a thank you. 

The next few days after their pivotal bathroom confrontation proceeded as normal, if normal meant Razz making sure to abide by their one rule and completely abusing it's permissions. He would wake Steven up every morning with a sweet little kiss on the forehead, and a few extra all over his face if he resisted opening his eyes, covering every inch outside of the human's lips. Razz would also cuddle close to him as they watched tv on lazy days, kissing his cheek and telling him how much he liked the show Steven had picked out for them. One chilly night they decided to make some hot chocolate and play cards in the living room. Steven's mug, which had been loaded to the brim with whipped cream, left a dot of white confection on the tip of his nose when he took his first sip. Razz, without missing a beat, kissed it off of him and giggled adorably, making Steven flush to the tips of his ears. 

The human considered saying something about it; the nonchalant way Razz's physical affection had been making leaps and bounds since that past Sunday, but it just seemed to make the Gem so happy and Steven couldn't bring himself to dampen his spirits. Besides, it's not as if Steven didn't enjoy his Gem's affection, deep down. It was, frankly, very nice to be so fawned over. It made Steven feel special and loved. Razz's love for Steven was constantly pouring out of him in buckets, whether through his actions or their connection, which would have been a little scary if it wasn't so heart-melting. 

As another weekend rolled around, Connie had reached out to Steven and asked if he wanted to join her for lunch at Fish Stew Pizza. Fall break was approaching and her workload was at a rare standstill, meaning she could actually hang out for more than an hour at a time. Razz agreed to the lunch date wholeheartedly, as jovial as ever, which pushed Steven to text her back confirming the plans despite his slight reservation. There was a self-conscious part of him that remembered how Connie received them the last time they met up at the Big Donut. He hoped, however, that she had just needed some time to get used to Razz. She had met him for the first time under extraordinary circumstances so he couldn't blame her for being a little hesitant. 

When they showed up to the pizza shop, they were walking arm in arm. Connie was waiting for them outside the joint, tapping on her phone distractedly. 

"Connie!" Steven called out, causing the girl to whip her head up and greet them with an awkward smile. 

"Hi, Steven!" She replied. A hand went up to twirl her hair, a nervous gesture Steven recalled from the many years they've been friends. "And, uh, hey, Razz! I didn't realize you'd be joining."

That caused Steven to pause and a trickle of discomfort to spread through the two of them. "Oh," Steven's eyebrows flew up and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Sorry, I should have mentioned it. He, like, kinda comes with me everywhere. I thought you'd be okay with it."

"No, I'm totally okay with it!" Connie hastened to say, her hands put up in front of her in what could have been a defensive gesture but was most likely placating. "I was just surprised. The more the merrier, right? It's good to see you, Razz!"

Immediately, Razz brightened, all doubt banished from his mind and making Steven relax by proxy. "Good to see you, too!" 

Connie smiled at the Gem widely, attempting to match his exuberance. "Ready to grab some lunch?" 

"Sure thing!" Steven used his free hand to pat his stomach, "I'm starving."

The three of them walked into the restaurant and claimed a booth by the window, Steven scooting into his seat next to Razz. 

"If it isn't my two favorite customers!" Kiki called from across the slightly crowded room as she was wiping down a table, "Steven, Razz, how's it goin'?"

"Hello, Kiki!" Razz waved excitedly, "It's going great! We're having a date with our friend Connie."

Steven blinked, turning sharply to Razz and then to Connie who was sitting across from them. She had the slightest tint to her cheeks but her face remained mostly neutral.

"A date, huh?" Kiki smirked as she made her way closer and plopped some menus down on their table. "That's nice. Can I get y'all anything to drink?"

"I'll have water, please," Connie requested politely and picked up a menu to pour over.

"Water for me, too," Steven added.

Razz studied the drink fountain in the back for a moment before he looked to Steven pointedly, laying a hand on his shoulder. Connie watched this happen, peeking over her menu. Steven seemed a little confused by his Gem at first before breaking into a small smile. 

"Yeah, of course." He murmured.

Razz turned back to Kiki, "I'll have fruit punch."

"Coming right up," Kiki quipped, "Just meet me at the register whenever you're ready to order some food."

The silence that followed after Kiki left their table would have been deafening if it weren't for the sound of Razz quickly flipping through the pages of the menu. 

"Do you know what you want, Connie?" Steven asked.

"Uh, maybe. I was thinking about getting a personal Margherita." 

"Nice. We'll probably get a large pepperoni to share. That sound good, Razz?" 

"Sure!" Razz nodded.

Connie quirked a brow. "You're eating pepperoni?" She asked, flicking her eyes between Steven and his Gem. "I thought you were trying to be a vegetarian again."

"Nah, I decided against it." Steven answered simply.

"Steven _loves_ pepperoni." Razz interjected emphatically, leaning an elbow on the table and propping up his face as he admired his human. "It's his favorite. We order it all the time."

"Yeah, I remember. He'd get it a lot when we were kids." Connie contributed, craning her neck to the side. Her gaze suddenly snapped to the human boy, eyes boring into his. "Steven, do you wanna come order the pizzas with me?"

"Um, okay." Despite them not seeing much of each other lately, Steven was able to pick up on Connie's body language and figured she, for whatever reason, wanted to get some distance from Razz for a few moments. "You can stay here, Razz. We'll be right back."

Connie, under her mask of politeness, seemed grateful as she began to get out of her seat.

"Okay." Razz chirped and then leaned over to plant a goodbye kiss on Steven's cheek. "I'll wait right here."

Steven went to cover his cheek with his palm, his face heating up in a blush. When he looked over at Connie she was already standing and was openly staring at Razz in shock. As soon as she noticed Steven was watching for her reaction, her eyes flitted to the floor and she turned her back, heading towards the register as if nothing had happened. Steven scooted out of the booth to follow her, trying to shake away the pink dusting on his cheeks. 

There was a line at the register so they stood there for a moment, waiting their turn. 

Connie took a slow breath in, closing her eyes before she spun to face Steven head on, seeming like she had finally decided on something. "Steven, I'm... a little concerned."

Steven was a little startled by the directness of her statement but attempted to keep the situation light, an unsure smile plastered on his face. "Oh? What about?"

Connie bit her lip. "Well... it's about Razz." She admitted almost reluctantly. There was an ocean of uncertainty swimming in her dark brown eyes. Her expression tightened with a wince. "Isn't he a little... too friendly?"

"What?" A nervous laugh bubbled out of Steven with the word. Suddenly needing to avoid Connie's eyes, he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of his Gem sitting in the booth patiently, Contentment rushed over Steven just from seeing his face. "No, that's just Razz." He thought back the Gem's interaction with Kiki, his excitement that was so contagious, his puppy-like eagerness. "He's cu—" Steven cleared his throat, "Funny like that!"

Connie seemed unconvinced, joining Steven in looking over at the Gem, "Funny?"

"Yeah!"

Razz beamed at Steven when he caught his eye, filling Steven with warm, fuzzy feelings. 

"He's adora—" Steven started to say under his breath and almost bit his tongue, overcompensating with his volume. "Hilarious!"

Steven could feel the sweat as it began dripping down his brow along with Connie's gaze burning a hole in the back of his head.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" The girl asked gently.

"Yeah, of course!" Steven assured her with as much confidence as he could muster in the same moment that Razz starting blowing him kisses from across the room. He whipped around jerkily to face Connie again, staring at her shoes as he urged, "That's-that's all it is! Razz, Funny Guy Extraordinaire!"

Steven couldn't stop himself as he chuckled, filling the uncomfortable silence as Connie looked him up and down.

"If you say so." Connie eventually allowed, her tone dubious. 

"Hey, you guys ready to order?"

Kiki's voice drew both of their attention to the empty space at the register ahead of them. Steven was grateful for the interruption, no longer feeling like he was being viewed under a microscope. They got their food and drinks, two waters and a fruit punch, on trays to bring over to their table. Steven was careful not to make eye contact with Connie while they made their way back, hoping to use Razz as a diversion for the awkward energy surrounding the two of them. 

Food, as it turns out, was a better diversion. They could easily avoid conversation as they scarfed down pizza. Razz seemed to enjoy his fruit punch, humming happily as he sucked on the straw and making Steven snicker through a mouthful. 

Right after they finished eating, Connie got a text from her mom telling her she needed to come home, though she didn't say why. Razz seemed unfazed by her sudden excuse but Steven had an inkling he knew why she left in such a hurry. It made him feel a little disappointed and a little foolish. He definitely should have asked Connie about Razz tagging along, or should have assumed that's what she wanted in the first place. It was just so second-nature for Razz to be by his side. His Gem was a part of him, no matter what. Without Razz, Steven felt like only half himself. Next time Connie asks to hang out he supposes he'll have to go alone, though, to be honest, he's not sure a next time will be happening too soon. 

After their whole confrontation and learning that Razz felt like he was less valuable than the human, Steven made a promise to himself that he wouldn't sacrifice Razz's happiness and personhood for the comfort of other people. If Connie didn't want to spend time with Razz and Steven as a pair, it was her loss. 

The human and Gem, after returning their trays and glasses, made their way back home, strolling along the boardwalk leisurely. Razz admired the pretty clouds littering the sky. Steven, with fondness filling his head like cotton candy, clasped Razz's hand. Razz smiled at him with a twinkle in his eye and Steven, returning his smile, felt extraordinarily at peace.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
